Secrets of productive communication

Love talking to people but not sure how to do it effectively? In our article you will find out even more…

Are there basic laws of communication, and what makes them special? What mistakes can we make while talking to others? And are there ways to fix them? Read on to find the answers.

Contents

• What communication is
• Types of communication
• Mistakes in assessing communication
• Rules of communication

What communication is

Communication is the transfer of information from one person to another. It can be verbal — for example, when one person speaks to another — or non-verbal, as when people see someone's gloomy face and their expression signals that they are angry.

Verbal communication is a two-way process of exchanging information.

Non-verbal means of communication include facial expressions, posture, gestures and movements, as well as the non-verbal sound of a message and the manner in which information is delivered. For instance, when we want to end a speech with impact or emphasise the meaning of our words, we add intonation to our verbal message.

Types of communication

All relationships between people can be divided into two main types: vertical and horizontal. And within this division there are many variations as well.

The first type of relationship is vertical and expresses the connection between generations. These vertical relationships link elders — people who are “above” us (parents, mentors, other adults) — with children and those younger than us, who are “below”.

Every person is constantly in contact with those around them. For communication between people to be mutually polite and courteous, it is worth following certain rules that help avoid interpersonal conflict.

The second type of relationship combines the vertical and horizontal dimensions. It connects people who are "ahead" with those who are "behind". This link is defined by competence, experience and knowledge.

So between these two groups there is a leader–follower relationship. Over time a student may overtake their former teacher, and someone who previously showed no sign of it may step up as a leader. Being aware of this helps both sides treat each other with respect.

The third type of relationship is purely horizontal. These are interpersonal relationships connecting those who are "to the right" with those who are "to the left". Such relationships are usually two-sided, and communication happens on the basis of equality between both parties.

There is no person who is completely incompatible with us. It can be hard to build a relationship with some of the people we know. But we can make a greater effort and try to understand that person.

Mistakes in assessing communication

To develop horizontal relationships, you first have to meet the other person and get to know them better. Disappointment is not out of the question, though: a first impression can turn out to be deceptive. The most common mistakes in judging the people around us are these:

You do not admit your mistakes

Everyone is wrong sometimes. To preserve a relationship it is important to admit this honestly and sincerely. Often it is not very pleasant, but it always earns the respect of friends and colleagues. Instead of making excuses, take responsibility and fix the mistake.

You do not listen to others

The ability to listen is a genuinely valuable quality. Often, to solve a problem, we need to hear the other person out. If you are inattentive and interrupt, you only cause irritation and belittle the person.

You do not respect other people's opinions

If you want to preserve relationships within a team, it is not worth speaking harshly about how wrong your colleagues' views or positions are. Remember that every point of view has a right to exist.

You do not let others feel important

This is especially difficult when you really do understand the subject better than everyone else. Try to find one undeniable strength in each person's work and acknowledge it. This should be done regularly and sincerely.

You do not talk about what interests the other person

When talking with colleagues, show interest in a story about their children or dogs, and ask a couple of follow-up questions. Let them feel that you care about their life.

You try to change people

Do not give in to selfish moods that turn the working day into a string of lectures and moralising. Find positive traits in your colleagues and focus your attention on them.

You are unfriendly

Politeness, punctuality, tidiness, friendliness and a cheerful appearance appeal to everyone. It is pleasant to discuss important matters and simply talk with a person like that.

These mistakes arise because each of us carries an image of the person we would like to be friends with and talk to. And as soon as we see a stranger, we pull out these ready-made ideas from somewhere and simply "hang" them on that person.

Above all, mutual understanding is needed — members of a group have to speak "the same language". Personal bonds are also strengthened by taking part together in some activity: games, entertainment, work, various shared hobbies.

The key to stable relationships is compassion, empathy and joy. Thanks to these, trust, tolerance and openness appear in a relationship. And finally, it is worth remembering constantly: the other person is not like you, and they should be approached by their measure, not yours.

Rules of communication

1. Address a person by name. A person's name is the sweetest and most important sound to them! By remembering that name and using it naturally, you pay the person a subtle and rather effective compliment.
2. Be sincerely interested in other people. Before you start discussing the problem that concerns you, it can be useful to talk about the problems that worry the person you are speaking with.
3. Smile! The ancient Chinese possessed this wisdom. They used to say: "A person without a smile on their face should not open a shop".
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. A kind, sympathetic listener wins the affection of any conversation partner.
5. Talk about what interests the other person. The surest path to someone's heart is a conversation about what they value most of all.
6. Convince the other person of their significance — and do it sincerely! People do not need cheap, insincere flattery, but they passionately want a real appreciation of their merits.

"Hidden desires lie at the heart of human behaviour. First of all you have to understand these desires, and then you have to make the person you are speaking with passionately want something. Whoever can do this will win the whole world, and whoever cannot will be left alone." — D. Carnegie

We hope these tips on effective communication will make your relationships with people better and stronger.

Your NWET team